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HAIRLIWELL - JOHN HELLIWELL'S
HAIR
Brought to you by Hairliwell™ shampoo technology.
As well as being an ace musician, John Helliwell
is renowned for his versatile tonsorial elegance. Over the
years, he has tried and tested a number of styles, each of which he has
worn with panache. Even in Supertramp's bearded prime, it was John who
stood out, although admittedly this was mainly because he was blond and
wore glasses (and he was the only one who would ever say anything on stage).
The following is a summarised version of an award-winning 1,500 page
thesis on "John Helliwell's Hair: The Parting of the Blond Waves", written
by an anonymous overseas student with too much time on his hands. The
study was subsequently published in a number of specialist publications,
and was highly acclaimed by musicians and hairdressers alike. Let us take
you down, because we're going through John Helliwell's hair…
***
 Hairstyle: The
Short-All-Over
Period: 1966
Approximate hair length: 1-2 cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: Glasses, preferably dark.
Sideburns (6 cm).
Notes: John perfected this timeless look during
his stint in the Alan Bown Set. Short and easy to maintain, it was allegedly
popular with female fans of the group, as well as earning tremendous respect
from male punters. Oozing class, this ambitious hairstyle marked a new
direction for John, after many years spent sporting a sensible side parting.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 15, just because
it's so damn cool.
***
 Hairstyle: The Rod Hull
Period: 1966
Approximate hair length: 10 cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: Tinted square-rimmed glasses.
Sideburns (6 cm).
Notes: The mid-sixties London scene was an exciting
place to be. Hip musicians were spending days and nights on end rehearsing,
recording and performing… The widespread growing of long hair was inevitable:
there was just no time left to head down to the local hairdresser's. (This
phenomenon also resulted in the five-year Great London Barbershop Crisis,
which inspired Bob Dylan's poignant song, the obscure and understandably
unreleased "My Barber's So Bored He Just Stays Home And Plays Solitaire
All Day Long".) John was no exception to the rule, and for the sake
of convenience his hair started getting longer and longer. This state
of affairs would continue for the next fifteen years.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20:
12, although its historical significance must be noted… it forms the basis
of John's classic long-haired style.
***
 Hairstyle: The Full
Facial Bush (FFB)
Period: 1970
Approximate hair length: 10 cm
Beard: Yes (wild) / No
Glasses/accessories: Metal-rimmed glasses.
Notes: By 1970, the escalating Barbershop Crisis
was also affecting the availability of shaving implements to the general
public. Razorblades and electric shavers were scarce, and scary beards
were sprouting from musicians' faces everywhere. John took the Crisis
on the chin, and let his facial hair get the better of him. The FFB is
notable as the only of John's styles to feature whiskers that were as
long as his hair, making for a top-boAttom symmetry that would never be
repeated.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 5. An interesting
development, but really quite ugly on all scores.
***
 Hairstyle: The Curlylocks
Period: 1974
Approximate hair length: 25 cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: Metal-rimmed glasses.
Notes: This melancholy look was perfected around
about the time of Supertramp's "Crime of the Century". The five
members of the band took all their clothes off for the photograph that
was to adorn the back cover of the album, a memorable male-bonding experience
for those involved. But, when gAetting ready, as John's last piece of
clothing fell to the floor and in full view of the other musicians, his
hair inexplicably began curling from the ends up (a bizarre chemical reaction
that has still to be convincingly explained by scientists). The long curls
were coupled with a side parting, reinstated after an 8-year absence,
making for one of John's most effeminate hairstyles. This was the 1970s
though, so that makes it OK.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 9. John should
have known better, but, in his defence, his hair obviously had a mind
of its own.
***
 Hairstyle: The Cheryl
Ladd
Period: 1977
Approximate hair length: 30 cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: Plastic-rimmed glasses.
Notes: Generally regarded as the classic Helliwell
hairstyle, this was the result of the curls being surgically removed from
the Goldilocks (see above) and all the ever-longer hair being brushed
back in a thinly-veiled tribute to the then popular TV series Charlie's
Angels. (In an ironic twist, for the big screen remake - released
in 2000 - Cameron Diaz researched her part by watching endless videos
of Supertramp on stage, and her portrayal of Natalie Cook was very loosely
based on John's antics during the classic 1979 performance of "Dreamer"
in Paris.)
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 18. This is
the hairstyle everyone loves to love, and deserves a comeback.
***
 Hairstyle: The Dulux Dog
Period: 1979
Approximate hair length: 30 cm
Beard: Impossible to tell.
Glasses/accessories: Novelty red specs.
Notes: A short-lived experiment in which John yielded
to peer group pressure and, for the sake of research, attempted to brush
his now voluminous hair forward instead of back. In stylistic terms, the
hairstyle is interesting and has a certain appeal. In practical terms
though it was a no-go: John never attempted it on stage for fear of not
being able to find his saxophones or the middle C on the string synths.
The Dulux Dog was later perfected by Kurt Cobain, which effectively makes
John Helliwell indirectly responsible for the whole Seattle Grunge movement.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 15, because it
was so hugely influential.
***
 Hairstyle: The Gas
Fitter
Period: 1982
Approximate hair length: 15 cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: Tasteless sunglasses.
Notes: After the recording of "Famous Last Words",
Supertramp's future was in doubt. Roger Hodgson had decided he'd had enough,
and remaining foursome were unsure where they were bound. To keep his
options open, John applied for a part-time job as a gas fitter. In order
to make a good impression at the job interview, he invested in a one-piece
boiler suit and decided to cut off the flowing locks. This was more than
a purely career-motivated decision: as a keen cyclist and motorcyclist
the shorter hair implied lower levels of wind resistance when riding his
bike, and a more comfortable helmet fit when motorbiking. Plus it was
the 1980s and long hair was just so passé.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 19. This is, in
essence, the hairstyle John still sports today.
***
 Hairstyle: The Harry Potter
Period: 1983
Approximate hair length: 15 cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: National Health glasses and
a discreet earring.
Notes: When Supertramp recorded a nostalgia-fuelled
black and white video to accompany "My Kind of Lady", the musicians
shaved off their beards and performed dressed in 1950s-style suits, a
memorable male-bonding experience for those involved. While some couldn't
wait for their beards to grow back, John stuck with the smooth skin for
a few months, further lowering his bicycle wind resistance levels in the
process. It wasn't to last though. When the band hit the road, John forgot
to stock up on razors, and the beard soon returned. It has been a permanent
fixture ever since.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: A4. Just doesn't
look right.
***
 Hairstyle: The Earnest
Rock Millionaire
Period: 1985
Approximate hair length: 15 cm
Beard: Yes (carefully trimmed) / No
Glasses/accessories: Contact lenses and a slightly
bigger earring than for the Harry Potter.
Notes: Out with the glasses and in with the mullet.
In a rare case of John trying too hard (including, it is rumoured, a one-week
training course in blow-drying), it was felt he should embrace the 1980s
with open arms and an industrial-sized tub of hair gel. In hindsight,
this was a grave error, but at that time everyone else was doing it, so
why couldn't John? Other alternatives he considered before opting for
the Earnest Rock Millionaire look were the Howard Jones, the Boy George
and the FearghaAl Sharkey, so perhaps it's not as bad as it could have
been.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 2. May the
1980s rest in peace.
***
 Hairstyle: The Daytime Soap Star
Period: 1988
Approximate hair length: 20 cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: Contact lenses, discreet earring,
snazzy suits.
Notes: More or less the natural continuation of the
Earnest Rock Millionaire, this hairstyle is definitely more the
hallmark of a Californian than that of a Yorkshireman. Modelled on the
hair designs of a number of unidentified US daytimeA soap opera stars,
this particular look is cool, collected and self-assured, but also strangely
cold and distant. The end product is symbolic of a band slowly slipping
out the back door and heading outside into the sun for the best part of
a decade.
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 4. Time to roll
the credits on that particular incarnation of Supertramp.
***
 Hairstyle:
The Proud Grandfather
Period: 1997-…
Approximate hair length: 15cm
Beard: Yes / No
Glasses/accessories: Grown-up glasses, ear-piece
monitors and more snazzy suits.
Notes: When Supertramp re-emerged, everyone seemed
comfortable with where they were, who they were, and how they looked.
JoAhn was ageing remarkably well, sporting a slightly more mature version
of the Gas Fitter, only without the boiler suit. A low maintenance
hairstyle, this is the sight of a man at the height of his powers, who
is more interested in playing music than blow drying his hair, but now
also finds the time to potter along to the hairdresser's. It is also a
way of saying: "John Helliwell was meant to wear glasses, so he does".
In a way, the Proud Grandfather takes stock of the past, taking on board
all the lessons learned. Vive John!
Hairliwell™ points out of 20: 20! Full marks
because this is the way John was always meant to be!
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